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Primal Chili

  • by QCKB
  • June 29, 2012

This is a guest post by a good friend of mine, Sean Kelly RKC.  How good of a good friend?  I have embarrassing pictures of him good friend.  I made this last night and it is delicious- hope you guys enjoy!

I have just spent 4 months training to run a horribly long distance. While my muscles have recovered from the trauma of this race, I have still been wasting away as I go out further and further on these horrible runs. Now I need to nurture my frail, runner’s body back to an appropriately primal, caveman build.

The answer? Meat, and heavy squats.

(That’s Anatoly Pisarenko, a mustachioed Ukrainian powerlifter and general badass. He’s like Chuck Norris only better because of the ‘stache and by not being a ginger. I’d go on but this is a food blog. For a baller ass squat program, try 20 Rep Squats. You will grow very strong. Or die. Your choice.)

We will consume our meat in what is universally recognized as the most manly food on earth… chili. Chili is prepared a lot of ways in a lot of different places, but given my enthusiasm for warm weather, America, and high caliber firearms, we made a Texas style chili. This is chili at it’s most basic (just meat and spicy red stuff), untainted by beans, rice, vegetables, or cheese.

As a guide, we used the Primal Chili recipe from Mark’s Daily Apple (as a base starting point.) For the total ingredients list, and a more detailed method, check them out. But honestly, it’s chili. Brown the meat, add some spicy stuff, and cook for awhile. If you fuck this up, you should not be using a hot stove or sharp kitchen utensils on your own.


1) We browned our meat (approx 3 pounds of fatty chuck steak) in a hot ass pan. Then we sauteed a few onions and a shitload of garlic in the meat fat with some olive oil.

2. We added the meat back into the pan with some tomato paste and a whole lot of spices, chili powder being the star player. You can adjust the heat to your liking, but if you don’t make it really hot, I will mock your manliness.

The recipe also calls for a few cups of water to help the resulting spicy tomato sludge become a delicious broth. I am not a culinary expert but water does not taste like anything. We want this freaking chili to be like a flavor explosion served at high speed, so we added the most delicious liquid we could think of… beer! This serves two purposes. One, your chili gets 10 bonus man points for combining booze and food into one dish (Can we get drunk on chili? Maybe, but we will likely need to step up our chili game). Two, tomatos contain alcohol soluble flavors, so there needs to be some booze present for you to taste them (i.e. penne a la vodka).

If it doesn’t look like the contents of a Nascar Porta-Potty, you did something wrong.

3. This slop got slow cooked in a crock pot for a few hours. I ate mine with some sweet potatoes. It was spicy, meaty, fiery deliciousness. After my second bowl, I instantly grew a beard that was indistinguishable from my chest hair. I was filled with the strength to wrestle a kodiak bear and my feeble runner’s physique gasped it’s final, highly aerobic breath.

Now go eat and be manly!

Sean Kelly RKC

You can find Sean somewhere in New York training at Crossfit Diversity and being a general badass with his GF of forever.

Thanks Sean!


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